I don't believe in god. I don't label myself an atheist either. My position may more accurately be labelled as agnosticism (which in practice is not much different from atheism); I don't know whether god exists. I have tried to find out, but god has chosen to stay beyond the limits of my perception and reason. Intuition and imagination have taken me to the realms where my 'spirit' wanders in joy and wonder. I feel grateful to whoever might have created the beauty and goodness I have witnessed in the world around me. I feel love.
I feel admiration. I admire the birds that sing and the flowers that bloom, the brook that gurgles over pebbles, the mountain ridges beyond which the sun sets in colourful grandeur, the soothing music of waterfalls and the caress of ocean waves, the smiles of little children and the wisdom of people with wrinkles on their skins. I admire the grandeur of the Taj Mahal and the splendour of a multiplex. I stand in awe when a man-made rocket carries a dozen man-made satellites into the outer space. Hanging bridges, beautiful paintings, moving poetry and luminous music make me proud of my species.
Such a sense of gratitude, love, admiration and other noble feelings generated by the goodness in nature is often countermanded by sights of depravity, misery and catastrophe. They make it difficult for me to believe that there is any 'intelligent design' behind the reality given to me. They make me long for a better reality.
Non-believer as I am, I pray every day. My prayer is an admission of my limits and limitations. It is an exercise to keep my ego under control. It is an expression of my wish to transcend the ego. It is a longing to live in harmony with the world outside me. My prayer is a humble acknowledgement of the vastness of the universe and its inscrutability. My prayer is a longing for a god.
I do not believe in eternal life. Eternity is the vastness of the time that flows out there. I am merely a dot in that flow. My time is limited. Death marks its end.
But the brevity of my stay on this planet, its inevitable end, does not release me from obligations. I believe I have an obligation to live a life that adds to the goodness on this planet. I believe I have an obligation to mitigate its evil as much as I can. My reason reinforces my belief. In other words, I follow a system of rational ethics. It does not require the sanction of a religion. It does not require the promises of eternal rewards. It does not require the pat of a god.
Note: I'm grateful to Raj Arumugam who asked me in his comment on my last post to write about my atheism. If he had not asked me to do so I wouldn't have written this article at all.
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Matheikal, a beautiful post. I think this is how many sensitive and intellectually honest people feel about God and religion today. Impossibility of maintaining traditional concepts of God, an overwhelming sense of beauty and meaning, the need to relate this inner experience to the 'real' world of science and technology- this combination can be a powerful integrating force.
Pls see this post 'Why I returned to God'
-shajan
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Sir,
As always your views are different and the one that realy touches the heart!! I believe that you are the most spiritual person (in true sense). You admire the nature and the beauty around you!! The so called proclaimed believers of God have already but the world in the worse path of destruction so it is by these true ideas that we can spread real message of life!!
Loved ur article sir!!
Hats off to you sir
aram
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mathe, a very well written post, you have communicated your views perfectly...........being on the planet is enough.......rest ........leave it and just do what appeals your conscious.........enjoy
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"My prayer ... is an exercise to keep my ego under control." - that is fabulous. matheikal, you are on a roll; please continue so that I can understand things at a deeper level.
Raghuram Ekambaram
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beautifully written
but i am a firm believer in God... i suppose it is so much easier to believe.. 
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Matheikal
Very nice piece. I also feel almos like what you seem to feel. Agnosticism is , Ithink, more of a humble outcry than either thiesm or atiesm. Isay this becasue it says I do not know . About Injustice, You must have read Dosetovsky where Ivan Karmazov says that it is difficult to beleive in God because ' He lets children suffer and die' . Thanks and regards
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Good evening sir,
Sir this article is a masterpiece.I believe in God but your article makes me think that if has created this world what is he doing now.Doesnt he see the miseries of the people and if he does then why doesnt he do anything for them.The evil souls are still reigning this world.Now the world despises good people.Good people do not have any place in this world.This article would make everyone ponder over this fact.
Excellent work sir.
Regards.
kookieswill.
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Sir, it is an excellent article. I too believe that god doesn't exist and if he does then he is onto other things now. If we believe that he is the creator of all then i feel that after creating all of us and this universe, he is onto other things. He is not at all bothered about this cosmos anymore and so by looking at this quality of him i personally feel that he is not worth worshipping. Moreover, there's no question of worshipping if we believe that he doen't exist!
Thank you sir for this wonderful article!
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Sir, what an excellent piece! It revealed unto me the mysteries of the inner reccess of my mind which very often feel enigmatic about god. I never bothered to join my palms together, when my aunt used to force me to do so at the street end idols. (Though I do at times not to hurt my fellow species of this world) I stood and observed the devotees in the temple and found it interesting to see them crying with great hope. I felt, "What matters if s/he doesn't pray so? How about helping others and get their blessings. Whereelse the so called god can reside than such egoless persons who ask for your help?!"
Your article, inch by inch, suited all my feelings which I would have found so difficult to express! This is like one full experience which assures me that there is real mystery around you in this world rather than the mystery of God!
Wonderful article! Thanks to Raj Arumugam!
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