I don't believe in god.  I don't label myself an atheist either.  My position may more accurately be labelled as agnosticism (which in practice is not much different from atheism); I don't know whether god exists.  I have tried to find out, but god has chosen to stay beyond the limits of my perception and reason.  Intuition and imagination have taken me to the realms where my 'spirit' wanders in joy and wonder.  I feel grateful to whoever might have created the beauty and goodness I have witnessed in the world around me.  I feel love. 

I feel admiration.  I admire the birds that sing and the flowers that bloom, the brook that gurgles over pebbles, the mountain ridges beyond which the sun sets in colourful grandeur, the soothing music of waterfalls and the caress of ocean waves, the smiles of little children and the wisdom of people with wrinkles on their skins.  I admire the grandeur of the Taj Mahal and the splendour of a multiplex.  I stand in awe when a man-made rocket carries a dozen man-made satellites into the outer space.  Hanging bridges, beautiful paintings, moving poetry and luminous music make me proud of my species. 

Such a sense of gratitude, love, admiration and other noble feelings generated by the goodness in nature is often countermanded by sights of depravity, misery and catastrophe.  They make it difficult for me to believe that there is any 'intelligent design' behind the reality given to me.  They make me long for a better reality. 

Non-believer as I am, I pray every day.  My prayer is an admission of my limits and limitations.  It is an exercise to keep my ego under control.  It is an expression of my wish to transcend the ego.  It is a longing to live in harmony with the world outside me.  My prayer is a humble acknowledgement of the vastness of the universe and its inscrutability.  My prayer is a longing for a god.

I do not believe in eternal life.  Eternity is the vastness of the time that flows out there.  I am merely a dot in that flow.  My time is limited.  Death marks its end. 

But the brevity of my stay on this planet, its inevitable end, does not release me from obligations.  I believe I have an obligation to live a life that adds to the goodness on this planet.  I believe I have an obligation to mitigate its evil as much as I can.  My reason reinforces my belief.  In other words, I follow a system of rational ethics.  It does not require the sanction of a religion.  It does not require the promises of eternal rewards.  It does not require the pat of a god. 

Note: I'm grateful to Raj Arumugam who asked me in his comment on my last post to write about my atheism.  If he had not asked me to do so I wouldn't have written this article at all.