Murphy's Law

Apr 3 2008  | Views 422 |  Comments  (14)
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Murphy's Law by Arthur Bloch is one of the two books that I found delightfully humorous in spite of their profound cynicism.  The other is Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.  Let me reproduce here some of the 'laws' propounded by Bloch. 

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Corollary: 1. Every solution breeds new problems.

2. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

3. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

4. Mother Nature is a bitch.

 

Law of the Perversity of Nature: You can't successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

 

Boling's Postulate: If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

* If things appear to be going right, you have overlooked something.

* Always keep a record - it indicates you've been working.

* When in doubt, assert louder.

 

Finagle's Rule 6: Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.

* Capitalism: You can win.

Socialism: You can break even.

Mysticism: You can quit the game.

 

First Law of Bridge: It's always the partner's fault.

 

Horner's Five-Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.

Whole Picture Principle: Research scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endeavours that they cannot possibly see the whole picture of anything, including their own research.

Corollary: The Director of Research should know as little as possible about the specific subject of research he is administering.

Mr Cooper's Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.

Young's Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

 

The Peter Principle: In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

Corollary: Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.

Peter's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

* Incompetence is directly proportional to one's position in the hierarchy.

Imhoff's Law: The organisation of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank - the really big chunks always rise to the top.

Match's Maxim: A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain; everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.

H L Mencken's Law: Those who can - do. Those who cannot - teach. Those who cannot teach - administrate.

 

Truman's Law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Swipple Rule of Order: He who shouts loudest has the floor.

 

Issawi's Law of Conservation of Evil: The total amount of evil in any system remains constant. Hence, any diminution in one direction - for instance, a reduction in poverty or unemployment - is accompanied by an increase in another, e.g. crime or air pollution.

Katz's Law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.

 

Vique's Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

 

Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.

Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

 

Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it.

 

* Fools rush in - and get the best seats.

* If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

© matheikal., all rights reserved.

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