Yet another killing by school students! I have lost count of the murders committed by school students in the last one year in our own country. Our own country that used to be proud of its concern for others. Aditi devo bhava - even the guest was considered as a god in this country. That was once upon a time.
Why is there so much hostility in the hearts of our young students?
I have been observing students keenly in the last few years. By the way, I'm a teacher in a senior secondary (residential) school in Delhi and hence I get a lot of opportunity to observe them at close quarters. I'm slightly worried about the changes I notice in the behavioural pattern of the students.
The increasing narcissism is my greatest concern. Narcissism is far worse than egotism. A certain degree of egotism is admissible in the young. Narcissism is, however, very dangerous. It is a kind of dictatorship. We have so many young dictators in the school these days!
Who created these dictators? The family and the society, who else? Today's families have one or two children unlike the old families which had half a dozen children at the least and possibly half a century in the case of joint families. (I still have a student in class eleven who says his family has forty members because it's a joint family and he also says that it's a happy family. However he too has a problem. His sisters - in fact, his cousins - are too liberal in the matter of choosing their boyfriends, he says. He also admits that he is very possessive about them. But his possessiveness is dictated by the treatment meted out to girls in places like Delhi, he says. More about him later.)
Coming back to what I've been saying, there is just one or two children these days in a family. Hence each child becomes the centre of a lot of attraction. Attraction from the parents. Attraction from the neighbours and relatives and a whole lot of others who come to the family on rare (and very special to the child) occasions like the child's birthdays. The child grows up thinking that he is the centre of attraction in the whole world.
Moreover, both the parents are employed. They hardly get any time for their children. So they appoint a maid to look after the children. But the maid cannot give love to the children. Children want love; that's their sustenance. As the Buddha said 'touch' is very healing. A loving physical touch is very important for children. Today's parents who return home after the children have been put to sleep by the maid cannot provide any meaningful touch to their children. The children grow up longing to feel that touch. And the touch comes from their friends! At the age of 7! The danger begins there.
The touch is given by another child who also is yearning for a similar touch. The touch is on a wrong track. It's not a touch of affection. It's a touch of searching. It's groping. And that kind of groping ends up in the genitals. Nature's mischief. Add to that the hollow sense of attraction-centredness inherited from the upbringing. The narcissistic child becomes possessive about his friends. The latest killing in a Delhi school took place because of the possessiveness regarding a girl! (The irony is that the girls are so liberal these days that it's not worth being possessive about them! But boys who felt deprived of love in childhood are always possessive about anything that's 'hot' in their view.)
The society also has changed. It places undue emphasis on money and what money can buy. What money can buy is only the superficial side of reality. Today's students are left on that side. Their parents give them more money than they can handle. (This remark is made on the basis of the students I have observed and they belong to the higher classes.) Even otherwise, the extreme version of capitalism that is vendored by globalisation encourages a superficial approach to reality. Show off! That's what my students believe in!
Every dictator believed in that! No dictator hesitated to kill in order to save his skin.
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Matheikal,
Your's is a very good and thought provoking article indeed.
However I differ on your hypothesis.
We indians always whorshipped brute power of muscles and money.
It’s a fallacy that we, the Indians had a better society in past and children were more loved and touched by parents.
That is a stereotype propagated unmindfully and hardly probed deeply.
In a joint family with an army of children, aunts and grandmas might have provided some comforts to few. The bullies with in that army of children did exist and prospered at the cost of tremendous long term psychological damages to the softies. Fathers hardly spoke to children, let alone hug and touch them.
The pressures were certainly lesser and no competition.
Where parents have failed, the society has failed again.
Schools are a big profit centers alone and do not provide any soft skills to the students.
Media meanwhile unmindfully reinforces various stereotypes for commercial gains.
Indian society has always promoted violence of various kinds and perpetuators have benefited and indulged in. Go to the schools in small towns and villages and will be confronted by few stark realities.
Parents have more time but still the schools are a bloody battleground to learn few surviving skills. Most things are settled by fights and violence.
What kind of ancient culture we have that allow violent people easily get so much power to disrupt life and create mayhem?I agree with you that we are a dictator producing country indeed.
You are welcome to read my post on another issue:
Creative Smoking
Looking forward to your learned comments.
Warm regards,
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adults are refusing their responsibility to define good and bad.
children form their belief through peer groups.
there is no conviction.
parents shuld own up their role in this and instill the kids to have convictions.
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matheikal,
I honestly feel that the problem is MUCH LESS with the school or the teachers; it is with the parents, in the main. The competition alluded to in my first response starts at home and is carried into school. It is not as though there were no competitions in yesteryears, not so at all. It is just that the manifestations of the competition have become numerous, as you rightly pointed out (whcih I seconded), for birthday parties also.
Is it wrong to promote competition in school? I think not. But in what matters should it be? In studies, yes. In atheltics, yes. Should it be in extracurricular activites; my unstudied response is, NO, at least until such time the child shows an aptitude for a particular activity and pursue it with vigor. The motivation for extracurricular activites should be from within.
I have a suggestion. INTRODUCE children to as many types of extracurricular activities as you (parents) can. But, lte child should be the master in deciding which ones to pursue and which ones to discard, WITH NO INPUT FROM THE PARENTS. How many would be OK with this suggestion. The ready excuse is, "my girl does not know what she likes!" This is one of the sources of this narcissism problem. I hope you agree.
Sir, as I have done elsewhere, the problem is parents leading a vicarious life through their children. Parent's sense of competition transferred to children, most inappropriately. All these have interconnections to the touching care at home.
Raghuram Ekambaram
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That was primarily what I was also indicating in my comment......
Thanks.
Gita
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I fully agree with the author
Ravi Prasad
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Dear Gita Khanna
Thanks for the comment as well as the question you raised.
The healthy growth of a child depends primarily on two factors: heredity and environment. Heredity refers to the genes inherited from parents and that’s beyond external controls. Environment consists of parents, teachers, society and other such factors that wield their influence on the child directly or indirectly. Parents play the greatest role in the initial stages. Later on the other factors enter and contribute their shares.
What’s important is that the child should feel loved especially in the initial stages of its growth. Only the parents can fulfil that function. Why did one of Gandhi’s own sons go astray? He did not feel loved by his father. He felt oppressed by his ‘ideology’ in bringing up children, though Gandhi was a great person and was quite justified in his ideology vis-à-vis bringing up of his children.
Very ordinary, simple parents can contribute to society children with excellent character. Our former President K R Narayanan is an example.
Rama or Ravana, the foundation is laid by the parents. In spite of excellent intentions on the part of parents, the output can be a Ravana if the child perceives something it feels as undesirable.
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Inspite of all odds, there have always been some very good examples of decent human beings in all the different periods of time. They were / are all subjected to more or less similar outer surroundings of that period of time. They all must have been loved by their parents in somewhat different, but mostly similar manner. Then why is that in each society, at every different point of time, there is some Ravana while there is some rama? There is some Gandhi while there is some Godse ? There is some Adi Amin while there is some Nelson Mandela ?
Just a thought.......provoked by your article.
Good article
Gita
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Sad that I've joined late in this discussion. In one of the Kamalhasan's Movies "aalavandaan (Abhay in Hindi)", the villain Kamal will be queried as to from where he learnt so much violence. The Character would reply "Cartoon network". I think that sums it all. add to that Jetix and the likes including the regional children's channel like 'chutti TV' and the most depressing teleserials, It not only instigates violence, it also spoils the language.
remedy:
I've installed a dish tV and have blocked all children channels. Now my children watch only Animal Planet and Discovery channel. Teleserials are a big No, already
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Hello mathelikal,
A Very good thought provoking article, indeed a little scary too. What is happening to our society?
M.A
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Thank you, Padmaja Balaji, for the highly encouraging words.
Dear scribbling pad, I understand you’re not justifying the violence in schools. But are you asking me to take a lenient view of it? That won’t help at all, I guess.
Yes, nidhana, expensive gifts or huge pocket money can’t buy the affection of the children. We need to give love, there’s no other alternative.
Thanks Sue Menon for adding to what I said. You’re right. In fact my latest post is on the role of media in shaping the thinking of students. Please read it: http://matheikal.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/02/students-and-the-media.htm
Thanks Ramanpreet for sharing your personal experience with us. May that example inspire many others.
Thanks mutt, Tanushri and Great Thinker for your views and comments.
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